


Spock Vs. Humankind

by See1like



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bottom Kirk, Character Study, Growing Up, Multi, Pon Farr, Slow Burn, Some made up Vulcan stuff, Spock-centered, Top Spock, dark at times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:47:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8037427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/See1like/pseuds/See1like
Summary: There should be (by far) more stories delving into the mind of my favorite, sexy Vulcan. So here's my humble contribution:
Five times in which Spock could not understand human behavior, and the one time he did.
Hope you like it.





	1. Mother's devotion

**Author's Note:**

> Spock is, at most, 32.5% human

Spock could hear the sound of his mother's heels clicking on the floor of the healing center and estimate the speed of her motion, which fell into the category of running. Combining this information with the kinetic friction factor between the souls of her shoes and the smooth marble flooring he deducted her chances of falling flat on her face at 72.9%.  
  
She didn't, though, holding on to the doorpost at the last moment resort and projecting herself into the room. "Spock!" she breathed her relief, as her worried gaze fell upon her fourteen year old son scanning his beaten, yet alive form.  
  
'My mother.' Spock transferred the information to the nurse via their touching hands, along with his apology for her unnecessary excessive behavior, 'Human' he conveyed and the nurse nodded with understanding, sending her condolences through their connection before retracting her hand and straightening up.  
  
"I will come back with your pain medication at 19:00." she informed the youth and left the room, bowing slightly towards his mother but not looking at her, and taking quite a long detour in order to avoid a chance of random touch.  
  
The nurse was rather rude but his mother seemed to neither notice nor care, instead she leaped forward, closing the distance between them, stretching her arms to attack him with a smothering hug.  
  
"Mother…" he recoiled as her touch brought forth all her worrying, hurt and anger crushing into his mind.  
  
"Oh… sorry, sweetie." She moved away and set on the chair near the bed, viewing him with concern, probably taking in the state of his blooded face. It brought tears to her eyes in 0.8 minutes which was an 11% improve in performance relating to the latest similar scenario  
  
"I have a broken right arm, a fractured left eye socket and some minor incisions and hematomas on my face and chest, estimated time of recovery- three weeks, estimated time of release from the healing center- sixteen hours." He informed her with calm. He was relying on this information to bring her reassurance and relief but was surprised to see the opposite outcome.  
  
"Spock, my dearest, why?" she begged him with a whimper.  
  
The question puzzled him. Why what? Why three weeks? Why a broken arm? Why recent occurrences had resulted in injury?  
  
He could not tell, so he kept silent and awaited her elaboration, while waiting, he glanced at her, wanting to do something so she would cease crying, her suffering and helplessness seeped into him even without the aid of touch, and it felt as if someone was crushing his heart, or choking his throat, both irrational sensations, but she had always brought the human out of him.  
  
"Why do you let those boys get under your skin?" she finally managed to form a question that made some sense. "You are better than those bullies, you are better than… this!" she waved her hands around in mid air, seemingly indicating that he was better than his environment, that he was better than… Vulcan?  
  
He bowed his head in frustration; will he ever manage to understand her?  
  
"What happened this time?" she asked.  
  
"This was their 38th attempt." He explained with a quiet voice. "Their success with evoking uncontrolled behavior out of me in their previous three attempts had led me to conclude that this was no longer done as an experiment, but as a mean of demonstrating dominance, and there was even a slight chance that they drew some enjoyment out of it, although this remains unclear. I have come to the realization that only an escalation of retaliation would ensure the conclusion of this pointless repetition."  
  
His mother struggled to follow his line of thought, pinching the bridge of her nose and wrinkling her forehead. "So what you are saying is… you tried to beat the bullying out of the bullies?"  
  
Now it was his struggle to understand. "Yes." He said thereafter.  
  
"Is anyone dead?" she blurted out, smiling halfway through her desperation.  
  
He could not help but blink.  
  
"This was an attempted joke, my sweetheart, is there any reason for it not to be?"  
  
"No." he hurried to reply so she could stop holding her breath.  
  
"Darling child!" she mumbled and braced him again, this time ignoring his cringe, she drew his head to her chest, ruffled his hair and showered his bruised face with kisses. "I love you so much, you know?" she kissed the pointy edge of his ear; it was her favorite place to kiss. "My sweet, sweet boy!" Her hug became something more of a stir, and before he knew it, it was a full blown shake. "This ends here, you hear me! It ends here! No matter what it takes! I don’t care if we move you out of the school, or even if we migrate to Earth, whatever it takes! Do you understand me?"  
  
"I hope so." He answered, relived as she let him go.  
  
"Alright." She tried to calm herself down, breathing in and out slowly. "We'll talk about it when we get back home; your father would probably…"  
  
"Please don't!"  
  
"Please what?"  
  
"Please don't tell father."  
  
His mother moved in her seat with discomfort "I don't see how we could hide your injuries from him, darling."  
  
"The injuries no, the reasons for them however…"  
  
"Are you asking me to lie to your father?"  
  
"No… I am just asking you to withhold disclosure."  
  
"Spock?"  
  
"Humans can do this, right? Deceive and distort the truth?"  
  
"I think I'm to be insulted."  
  
"But the truth… the truth hurts, mother."  
  
"What truth?"  
  
"What those boys said, it was perfectly logical…"  
  
"What did those boys say this time?" she was about to curse, he could tell by the twitching of her eyebrow, but she managed to gain control over that urge.  
  
"They said that I am flawed, that I am an abomination, the embodiment of both races' shortcomings; that having me is something both you and father must have come to regret."  
  
The humidity was accumulating again in his mother's eyes as she listened.  
  
"I don’t want father to hear this, it would only pain him, and Vulcans take pain harder than humans, I am sorry that you've heard this as well, I tried withholding but… but…you asked specifically, and I was unable to..." Spock could not help it, and to his horror he, himself, had started crying. "I've failed you, I'm worthless."  
  
"This is not true, dearest, none of it is!"  
  
"Mother, I have done my research, you could have only made me in a lab, since Humans have 23 chromosomes and Vulcans 31, furthermore- the genes discrepancy must have resulted in us sharing up to 32.5% of our genetic material, less than what a natural mother and son do. Your iron based blood system and my copper based one alone must have forced your undergoing of heavy medication during gestation and risk…"  
  
"Stop is, Spock!" his mother shouted. "Stop it!"  
  
"Risk your life." Spock insisted on finishing his argument. "Why?" he smothered his whimpering to the best of his ability, drying his runny nose on the sleeve of his healthy arm. "Why do it? If the result is just me, why bother?"  
  
His mother drew a deep breath and smiled through her tears. "Your father and I both love you, Spock, love you beyond your current capacity of understanding. Yes, we did struggle to have you, yes, we went a great lengthen to get you, and so I did risk my life, but this is to show you the true meaning of love, sweetheart. Love makes you do irrational things, and I regret none of them, because I got to have you, and you are so very worth it."  
  
"Am I?"  
  
"Boundlessly so."  
  
He had got quiet, trying to grasp his mother's words, trying to let it all sink in. At last he shook his head in defeat, he could not understand, it didn't make sense. Why would this human risk her life for someone who is less than a biological son to her? Why risk a well established life for a chance of another's, remote, almost alien to her? Try as he might, it just didn't compute.  
  
"It is alright not to understand, Spock." She stood up smiling, guessing his deliberation.  
  
"Understand what?"  
  
"Mother's devotion." She answered and kissed his blood stained forehead. "You have to spend the night here, yes? I think I'll go home now, and bring you your PJs and toothbrush, and maybe something decent to eat. How about that? We can figure out how to handle the situation when I'm back, so I want you to rest now, my dear, ok? I love you."  
  
"Thank you, mother." He answered, and his eyes tried to say more than his words.


	2. Socializing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is, by no means, a social butterfly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Coarse language and sexual content at the end of the chapter

It has been 2.7 years since he turned down the application to the Vulcan Science Academy and left his home planet on a somewhat dramatic note in favor of the Starfleet Academy stationed at San Francisco, USA, planet Earth. Now he was graduating from it with the highest honor.

He was also nineteen and recovering from his first pon farr which he managed to pull through by meditation and sheer luck. Though it was not uncommon to survive the first pon farr while unbonded, as the first one was rather mild, the next one won’t be as forgiving and the ones to follow would only escalate in difficulty, however, he did have six years, ten months and about three weeks to figure that problem out.

He had more pressing matters at hand, such as the message he received from his father at the day of graduation, encouraging him to come back home and renew his application to the Science Academy.-  
  
"You are a true Vulcan, for all intents and purposes." His father wrote- "You should return to your natural course of life, now that you had satisfied your human need to rebel."  
  
But life on Earth was kind to him, not that the humans were less cruel than their vulcan counterparts, but they were absent minded and had lacked the vulcan focus and determination in proving him he had no place among them. Humans were easy-going and easily managed; they were also utterly deranged, but as long as he kept his distance he was safe from harm.

He was going to accept the teaching position offered to him by the Rear Admiral Barnett, stay at the academy, and also start his PhD. He only needed a way to inform his father about this, maybe his mother would oblige.

There was a knock on his door, and soon after it was opened, now why bother knocking if one was not going to await approval? This was beyond Spock, but so were many other things about humans.

"It's time, you're coming?" his roommate asked, surveying his traditional formal robes with unhidden amusement.

"Affirmative, Mr. Brown."

The annual graduation ball was something Spock tremendously dreaded, but he was raised to face difficulties with his head held high, so avoiding it was not a consideration.

There was nothing to it, actually, he concluded after planning his schedule for the event- the first hour was to be dedicated to speeches, his was 2.1 minutes long, then a toast, which would take about 15 more minutes, a festive diner that would last another hour, and after three dances which would take another half an hour and be rude not to partake, he may finally be able to get home, before the "wild party" as his roommate defined it would start.

As he stepped out of his room, he came upon his roommate's date for the evening, the lovely graduate student Miss. Lakshmi, and she greeted him with her warm, charming smile. 

"Oh, Mr. Spock, don't you look dashing tonight." she said, feeling free enough to reach out her hands, smoothing the rims of his tunic collar. 

Spock felt his face getting a bit flushed. "Thank you, Miss Lakshmi, I too find you exceedingly aesthetically pleasing tonight." 

"Just call me Vima." She giggled "and please use lower register words tonight, Spock, it would do you good."

Spock nodded in gratitude, while three more graduating cadets walked towards them, his roommate among them. "Car is ready, we should go." He said.

"S'up, guys." Spock greeted the cadets while they were all heading towards the car, resulting in an exchange of mute worried gazes. 

They arrived to the academy at sunset, where the ball was to be held at the main mess room; Spock could not help but appreciate its transformation into a festive party hall, decorated with silver balloons, golden ribbons, red roses on every table and soft illumination, which with the overflowing music have provided an impressive sensation.

He could not recognize the crowd either, the assembled - Cadets and staff members, males and females, humans and aliens, were all dressed up in formal, festive wear of all styles, textures and colors, instead of their everyday, plain uniforms.

The smell of perfumes, the sounds of small talks and the background music, the ever swirling mass of people had all made Spock rather dizzy. 

"The bar?" Mr. Brown suggested.

"Yes!" One of his friends agreed. "I could use some alcohol before the head drilling starts."

"Spock?" Vima peeked at him.

"Alcohol has no affect on my metabolism," he said. "Rehearsing my speech would be more time-efficient."

"You are no fun!" Vima pouted and appeared disappointed.

"Fine, bar it is." Spock gave in and joined the rest of the group, to her renewed delight.

After their trip to the bar, they found their table in the hall and set down. They were a happy bunch, Spock noted, all bright smiles and jolly chatter, and he realized that this might be one of their last get-togethers.

All the humans, now at twenty four years of age, have met as freshman and navigated their academic path together, Spock who was sixteen at the time he joined the academy had met them at their junior year, when he was placed as Mr. Brown's roommate. He did not know why they had chosen to include him in their social group, he surely did not contribute much to their conducting, but he was pleased to be able to know them. 

Mr. Brown was a local American, blue eyed, blonde haired type of a human male, lazy but extremely smart. He had landed the position of second pilot on board the Constitution and would start his services in three days' time.

Miss Lakshmi was a beautiful and brilliant female from India, a fellow science officer, and was about to become the vice head of the bio-lab on board the Defiant two months from now.

Miss Lee was a gentle young female from the lunar colony, who was recruited to the Defiant alongside Viam and would serve there as a paramedic.

And there was Mr. Shvernik, a male originated in Russia, and a proud new member of the engineering department at the newest starship on the fleet- the Enterprise, due to lift off in four weeks' time.

Yes, indeed those were the last days of this cheerful group.

After the speeches ended, including Spock's and the toasts were raised, the food was served to the tables, and they all exchanged memories from their time at the academy, even survival month and captivity week were illuminated with the soft golden shimmer of nostalgia. 

The humans were trying to include Spock in the conversation, but as always, he lost its trace after a while. Trying to keep up with their train of thoughts and intuitive associations was a giddy experience for Spock at best of times, and now while all his senses under attack by sounds, smells and sights he gave up on it even sooner than usual. Lost in his own mind, he finished his vegan meal and wondered what to do next, but then Mr. Shvernik grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him. "So?"

"So?" Spock repeated.

"Who is correct? Me or Blondie-boy over there?"

"I am afraid I don't follow you."

"Vulcans have humor or not?" the big man gave him a powerful pat on his back and laughed.

"Vulcans have no humor, trust me; I've lived with one for over two years." Mr. Brown repeated his opinion with confidence and drank more of his wine.

"Do they, or do they not?" Vima asked, laughing as well.

"I have no idea how to answer this." Spock admitted, apologetically. "Humor is an individual and a cultural related quality."

"Come on, you're the only vulcan we'd probably ever meet." said Mr. Brown "You must give us an answer!"

"Can you tell us a story vulcans find amusing?" Miss Lee suggested helpfully with a whisper. 

Spock tried to recall anything relevant, as his curios friends looked at him with anticipation. Oh…

"This is a segment known to promote laughter among my kind." He recalled something humans called a joke. "I said to Pi- you are irrational. Pi said to itself- that is correct."

His efforts were met with a stone cold silence at the table, and his friends just blinked at him for a few seconds.

"Now why this is funny?" asked Mr. Shvernik at last, making Spock flush a bit green.

"I is an imaginary number thus Pi had heard an imaginary voice in its head which led it to question its own sanity." Spock mumbled under the humans' scrutiny.

"It is sort of funny." Lee said softly after another pause.

"It was lame." Mr. Brown snorted and then the lights were dimed and the dancing music filled out the hall.

"Come dance with me!" Vima invited Mr. Brown for a dance.

"Not in the mood." He answered, gloomy, slumped in his seat, drinking his wine.

Vima took the rejection rather lightly and turned to Spock "Come dance with me!" 

The vulcan turned greener than before, and opened his mouth but no answer cared to leave it.

"Come, my lady!" Mr. Shvernik rose on his feet to save the day and offered her his arm.

Vima gracefully rose up and took it, sending the rest of them a mocking glare.  
  
"I have to go to the toilet." Lee said, all of a sudden, after she watched Vima and Mr. Shvernik getting on the dance floor. "Excuse me…" She bowed slightly as she got up and left.

Now Spock was left with his roommate alone.

"Want some?" Mr. Brown asked as he poured himself more wine.

"Alcohol dose not…"

"Alright, alright…" Mr. Brown waved his hand at him and empted the glass with one gulp.

Spock glanced at the couple, giggling on the dance floor, and then turned to his friend, puzzled; something about the young man did not seem to be quite alright.

"I find it odd that you refused Vima's invitation to dance." It was awkward but he had to practice his human skills. "Aren’t you two, as it is called, "dating"?"

"We broke it off." Mr. Brown said. "It is not logical to continue a relationship while each of us is in a different part of the galaxy, don’t you agree?"

"Well…" Spock could tell him about mated vulcan children, whose bond was strong enough to endure both space and time, but it did seem counterproductive. "I am sorry to hear that." He said after sorting out the more suitable respond.

Mr. Brown gazed at Spock with his huge baby blue eyes for a while, passed the comfortable length of duration. "I'm gonna miss you, dude." He said and sighed, blushing under the influence of the alcohol. "Hey, Spock…"

"Yes?"

"Can we… can we go outside for a while? Away from this ruckus?"

"Sure, why not." Spock answered, relived to know that even some humans found this environment unbearable.

"Great, I could use some fresh air… and a good company." Mr. Brown smiled now and got up on his feet.

Spock got up as well and let his friend lead them out of the hall, and into the quite calm night, where a full moon shone upon the endless lawn, bathing it with its silvery rays.

Some other people had fled the party too and now strolled outside, so Mr. Brown kept on walking to find them some more private area. 

"Where are we going?" Spock queried after a short while.

"The botany garden, you mind?"

"Not at all." On the contrary, that was an excellent choice; Spock loved that serene place and often used it for meditation.

Once in the garden, they were swallowed by the rich vegetation, even the academy's buildings had vanished from sight and a peaceful silence engulfed them.

Spock breathed in the cool night air, content and relaxed at last, when all of a sudden he was pushed towards the nearest tree and found himself trapped between the trunk and Mr. Brown, who was struggling with his collar in his effort to find the naked flesh of his neck, kiss and lick it.

"What are you doing?" Spock lowered his head to look at his roommate, whose hands roamed all over his torso.

"God, you are so hot!" Mr. Brown whimpered and pressed his body to Spock's.

"Vulcans' core body temperature is…"

"Shut up!" Mr. Brown moaned and stretched his neck up, trying to reach Spock's mouth for a kiss.

The young Vulcan overcame his initial dismay and figured out what Mr. Brown was trying to do, initiate coitus with him.

"Mr. Brown…" he mumbled, blushing "I believe there's a small misunderstanding…"

"Jack! Name is Jack!" The blonde man pleaded, while fighting the alien robes in his search of Spock's private parts. "And there is no misunderstanding." The human breathed heavily. "Look, this is really simple; actually, I want you to fuck me; that's all. I want you to put your huge vulcan cock in my ass, just this once… and help me get rid of this crush, ok? Get it out of my system. In three day's time, I'll be out of your hair forever, ok?"

The blonde continued his efforts in trying to get Spock undressed, while the young vulcan helplessly tried to summon up the correct words to make Mr. Brown return to sanity and restore the order to his world.

"Come on…" Jack pleaded. "It would be so much fun! How many chances would I have to be fucked by a vulcan, huh? I've heard that your touch telepathy can make a human come like a filthy bitch in heat!" 

Those much needed words still eluded Spock's mind, yet he refused using his physical superiority against his friend which resulted in Jack managing to open his robes and with a smug smile, he started removing his own articles of clothing.

Spock had to admit that Jack was truly a beautiful human, with his lithe form, smooth skin, golden hair and sky blue eyes, the idea of a sexual intercourse had its appeal, however, vulcans regarded copulation as sacred and holly, the meld of two spirits into one, the union of two souls both in body and mind. What Jack had offered, attractive as it might be, was nothing but an insult to this ideal.

"Come on… why are you standing there? fuck me, already!" Jack demanded, naked now, presenting his ass to him. "Trust me, Spock; you really don't want to miss this chance, I'll tell you. You'll never lay your hands on such a fine piece of ass as long as you live and prosper."

The human swayed sensually, then bend over to reveal his anus, smirking with a drunken confidence and then it had dawned on Spock that words would never come to him in a reasonable amount of time, so he took a deep breath and closed the gap between them.

"Finally!" Jack moaned but soon collapsed on the soft grass, dead to the world.

Spock was a bit startled at the fast rate of which the human responded to his nerve pinch, but was relieved after checking his pulse. 

 

"Things will get more logical in the morning." He said to ensure Mr. Brown, or maybe to comfort himself and then he started redressing the unconscious man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Know no limit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock practices his capacity.

One by one the lights turned off, the screens turned black and the crew members evacuated the premises, only the captain remained behind, body upright, yet head held low, as if mourning the tremendous loss of lives that so recently occurred.

The Orion lab technician pressed a button and opened a channel into the premises. "Are you alright, Cadet Kirk?"

The man inside the room lifted his head up and found her on the second floor behind the glass. "Yeah, I'm fine, no worries." He flashed a brilliant smile at her that melted her double compartmented heart.

"The simulation is over, Mr. Kirk, you may leave now." She said, smiling back at him.

He raised his hand up and waved it in acknowledgment. "I just need a few more seconds here, if you don't mind. Please?" he begged so pretty. 

The technician averted her gaze towards Commander Spock who was busy feeding the simulation's results of today's lot into the mainframe. "Sir?"

"Give him a minute." The vulcan answered while typing; he was already familiar with the type, the ones who were unable to accept their defeat and needed to retrace their steps in order to convince themselves that there was no flaw in their actions.

The Orion woman pressed the button again and announced "A minute, Mr. Kirk."; the Cadet nodded and started pacing about the simulation hall, lost in deep thoughts.

She smiled at his appearance; he was a young, attractive, human male, if only regulations did not specify directly that academic staff members were not to engage in a relationship with their cadets. Shaking her head, she returned her gaze to the PADD in her hands.  
"This is strange…" she said after a while.

"What is it, Miss Gantha?" Spock asked, looking up from his screen, as the technician stepped towards him and extended her PADD. 

"This is his second try here, is it even allowed?"

Spock ran a mental survey through the academy's regulations, which he knew by hard, try as he might; he found no prohibition on that operation.

Intrigued, he took the offered PADD and read the report of the Cadet's previous attempt and his recent try and at both times the student had performed admirably, he investigated further and reviewed the cadet's annual grade chart, which was also impeccable, at this revelation; he had to cock up an eyebrow.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" the Cadet activated the comm at his side, and his voice floated in the air of the second floor. "I wish to take the test again, if you don’t mind. Is there a vacancy tomorrow?"

Miss Gantha snatched the PADD back and leaned against the glass window to check the simulation hall's schedule which was rather full. "Two weeks from now." She informed Spock, and so he pressed at the comm button.

"Mr. Kirk…" he began."You do realize that you have passed the Kobiyashi Maru test twice already?"

"Is that so? Who would have guessed? Who is this, by the way? Could you please stand up, sir, so I could see you? No? That is fine, is all fine…Still interested in taking the test again, though."

The vulcan and orion exchanged a puzzled glare, and Spock tilted his head slightly, his closest version of a shrug.

"We can have you again in two weeks time, Cadet." Miss Gantha answered on the comm "I will send the invitation to your calendar."

"Two weeks?! Such a long wait? Wait! That's actually perfect. Thank you, very much appreciated!"

Spock and Miss Gantha exchanged another puzzled glare while Mr. Kirk had finally exited the hall.

They had no chance at discussing that strange behavior since a knock on the door made them both turn their heads, and the door opened soon after, revealing the man behind it.

"Admiral Barnett." Spock said as they both got up with a salute.

"At ease, Commander, Ensign. You are late, Mr. Spock." The Admiral had pointed at the Vulcan, who realized with horror that indeed, his interaction with Cadet Kirk had created a 2.6 minute delay in his schedule.

"Walk with me." The Admiral ordered.

Spock gave the orion Ensign a nod of farewell and hurried to follow the officer through the corridors of the vast building, towards Meeting Room number 11 at the second floor.

"This is an unfortunate event." The Admiral said, frowning as they walked on.

"Unfortunate yet necessary." Spock added.

"It's like going to the dentist." The Admiral snarled. "Bloody unavoidable." He said and pushed the door open.

A group of another Admiral, a Capitan and a cadet had awaited them in the meeting room and watched as they took their seat.

"All are accounted for." Said Admiral Komack as they settled. "We shell now begin."

Admiral Barnett cleared his throat. "Under Academy's regulation section 8 segment 14, this Discipline committee is assembled to determinate what punishment would be inflicted upon Cadet Anthony William Abbott, due to his act of violence at the Kobiyashi Maru test that he had undergo last month. Commander Spock?"

"Sirs…" Spock nodded towards the assembled. "As you all know, Mr. Abbott here had attempted the Kobiyashi Maru test three weeks ago. During the simulation, he accused Cadet Gomez of not following through with his orders. They engaged in a verbal fight which turned into a physical one once Cadet Abbott pushed Cadet Gomez to the floor and punched him several times. I have provided the committee with the recording of the event, the witnesses' testimonies and the doctor's report. I trust you have familiarized yourself with the material."

"We did." Answered Captain Pike. "You did a thorough job with presenting the data."

Spock almost nodded at the compliment. "I have recommended the removal of Cadet Abbott from the commanding track in favor of the miscellaneous track, and a deletion of 30 academic points, as was done in similar cases and was instructed in segment 16." 

The accused Cadet was a tall, impressive young British human of prestige noble origin, whose sister; father, grandfather and great grandmother had all been accomplished commanding officers. His heritage was the reason why he got the privilege of this discreet committee, assembled away from the public eye.

Mr. Abbott had listened to Spock's speech with a cold spark of disdain in his eyes. 

"Cadet Abbott." Admiral Komack turned to look at the accused. "You've agreed to represent yourself, what is your say on the matter?"

"I agree to two months of community service and the deletion of 10 academic points." He stated with smug confidence.

"Why should we let you off so easy?" Admiral Barnett frowned at the cocky cadet. "You broke Cadet Gomes' nose, gave him a concussion and forced him into a two weeks of medical leave."

"My solicitor is in touch with Cadet Gomes in order to provide him compensation, in a quiet manner." Mr. Abbott answered. "Please don't try to tarnish my family's reputation with such extreme measures as the Commander here suggested."

The Admirals and Captain exchanged irritated glares; they had all wondered when Abbott would mention his family connections and threat to use them, seems like they didn't have to wait for long.

"Two months of community service and the deletion of 10 academic points, that is all you are going to get." He finished with a smile.

"I beg the differ." Spock said.

"Excuse me?" Cadet Abbott chuckled and moved his amused gaze to the vulcan.

"A demotion to the miscellaneous track and a deletion of 30 academic points is the minimum punishment for a repeated offender."

"Say what?" Abbott asked looking slightly irritated.

"Just because your last year's attack on Cadet Peterson had ended up with an unofficial warning does not mean it did not occur."

Now Cadet Abbott had gotten really mad, his face turned red with anger. "Are you listening to this green blooded demon? The nerve you have! Snooping around old, personal files!" 

"Those files were available for public reviewing." Spock corrected him "They just were not referred to in your personal record."

"I am going to prosecute this institute if you remove me from the commanding track!" the Cadet slammed his fist on the table.

"On what ground?" Captain Pike asked.

"Deception! The Cadet shouted. "The Kobayashi Maru test is a fraud! It is a trap!"

"It is a test was set to evaluate the performance of a captain under extreme conditions." Spock corrected him.

"Is that so, Mr. Spock? Please state the chances of success in that test!"

"That information is irrelevant and also classified." Spock answered.

"The criteria of passing the test are set by vulcan standards, not human!" Abbott continued with a growl.

"You were not going to pass any test by beating a crew member into a bloody pulp, Cadet!" Admiral Barnett answered. "Not by vulcan, nor by Human standards!"

"The extreme conditions of the test are an impediment for all humans! All but vulcans could be reduced to violence under such extreme levels of frustration!"

"We set a high bar for our cadets and find no reason to apologies for it." Captain Pike said in icy voice.

"Yes, sir, of course, but in real life …" the man insisted "In real life, sir, anyone could be reduced to that, and not be judged so severely! I am being discriminated against because I am a human! I will not allow my entire future career to be sabotaged because of a test manager who happened to be a Vulcan, passing judgment on me using alien values!"

"That is enough!" Admiral Komack, the senior officer in the room had put a stop to the Cadet's speech. "Must I remind you that this academy is accepting members of all federation planets?"

"A mistake, if you ask me!" the Cadet said, his burning hate was consuming the atmosphere in the room.

"I suggest this verdict, given all considerations." Komack continued and Cadet Abbott straightened in his chair as the Admiral passed his PADD to the other Admiral and the Captain. Are we in agreement?"

"Yes." Answered Capitan Pike.

"Yes." Mumbled Admiral Barnett halfheartedly.

"Very well…" The senior Admiral continued "Cadet Anthony William Abbott, you are hereby sentenced to six months of community service and a deletion of 15 academic points. However…" he continued just as a smug smile appeared on the cadet's face "A note of this incident will be added to your personal record."

"What?" The Cadet nearly jumped in his seat.

"You are welcomed to sue." The Admiral smiled dryly. "It would make an interesting spectacle."

"Anyone has anything else to add?" Asked Admiral Barnett, and as silence fell on the room he continued. "This meeting is adjourned."

The senior staff left the room, leaving Spock and Abbott alone for a brief moment. The man looked at the vulcan with a searing gaze. "Are you happy now that you have ruined my life, commander?"

Spock considered the benefits of replying.

"Your life is not ruined." He decided on an answer. "Your anger-control malfunction, however, might jeopardize your career, so the sooner you recognize this problem, the better."

"Is that so…?"

Cadet Abbott mocked his efforts, yet he already decided on pressing the point.

"There's an old Vulcan saying that translates roughly to- A man is absolutely free within his boundaries." 

The man got up from his seat and walked into Spock's personal space in a threatening way.

"What are you doing?" Spock asked but did not withdraw "Vulcans are three times stronger than humans, Mr. Abbott, please avoid from trying me."

"Oh, but I'm going to try this..." Abbott said and sent his hand to Spock's unsuspecting face, his fingers connecting knowingly to all his melding points.

Spock gasped with agony and the world turned black.

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//

Ten days later, there was an uncoordinated knock on his door, Spock woke up from his meditative state and wondered who could that be, the answer to that was involved in him getting up and answering the door.

"Admiral Barnett?" He sounded slightly startled, as one might be while walking into his washroom to find an elephant in the bathtub.

The Admiral smiled politely. "May I come in?" he asked and entered the apartment. "My god, Spock, this is like stepping into a hair dryer!"

"I will adjust the temperature, sir." Spock said and found the nearest console.

"Please, I was not implying that you should change the climate of your own home." The admiral said, apologetically, but Spock did so anyway and the temperature was starting to drop to a more reasonable level.

Spock ran through the procedure of accommodating a human guest and engaged it. "Thank you for your visit, sir, may I offer you a warm or a cold beverage?"

"Water would do, cold." The admiral said, sending Spock to his kitchen, and while he was alone, he reviewed the small living room. It was immaculately clean and well organized, although mostly barren, at least to the human eye. There were no personal artifacts in sight, and no decorations save a wall sized holo of a desert landscape, similar to the great canyon, but probably Vulcan.

Spock came back with a jar of water and two glasses, setting them on the dining table, and gesturing the Admiral to seat on the small sofa.

The Admiral nodded and set, grabbing his glass and drinking the cold liquid with much relief.  
Spock set down on the rug, on his knees; assuming a very similar position to what Asian originated humans take. He drank from his glass too, just so the Admiral would feel comfortable while drinking.

"So why am I here?" Barnett asked after finishing his drink, as Spock was struggling to start up the conversation.

"It was indeed unexpected, sir." Spock agreed, putting his glass on the floor, near the rug.

"Well, you did not answer any calls for the last few days, nor did you respond to any emails. We were getting worried."

"I have every intention to come back to work tomorrow, as my medical leave comes to its end." 

"But there's also this…" the Admiral showed Spock his PADD screen, and it did not take for him more that 3.5 seconds to recognize the document.

"The academic year is coming to a closer at the end of this month, Sir, there is plenty of time for me to finish all my duties, however if needed, I can provide…"

"Why do you want to quit the academy?" 

The vulcan clamped his lips and turned to gaze at his hand, folded in his lap.

"In the six years that I had known you as your supervisor and later as your direct commander, you had showed nothing less than a dazzling progress. You finished a degree in chemistry, math, a master in computer science and a PhD in physics… all while performing your teaching duties above and beyond expectations. You also showed interest of taking a space mission sometime in the nearest future. So why quit now?"

 

Spock face remained blank, yet his fingers danced in his lap, showing the most extreme signs of distress Admiral Barnett had ever witnessed. 

"Spock?"

Spock lifted up his gaze and breathed. "My progress at the academy had been similar to the progress any slightly below average vulcan would have made at my home planet's institute, and as for my space service aspirations, sir… well… there are no more such."

"What are you saying?" Barnett grabbed at the soft fabric of the couch cover and pulled, nearly tearing it up.

Spock said nothing.

"What did that bastard Abbott do to you, to make you behave like this?" Barnett nearly growled. "You should press charges, you know. A psychic attack is an attack like any other, there is no shame attached to it. Spock?"

"The chances of Mr. Abbott correcting his ways due to my pressing charges are less than 12%, which does not justify the ordeal of following said charges to their conclusion."

"Did you know that of all people, Admiral Marcus take interest in him? Someone must stop that privileged prick before he is granted command of a ship."

"That someone won't be me, sir." Spock said softly. "I wish to put this incident behind me as fast as I can."

"By leaving the fleet?"

"My decision has only slightly connection to that incident, sir."

"Please elaborate then."

"Sir… I do not wish to inflict my personal issues upon you."

"Please call me Richard, son…" The Admiral breathed, released his hold on the couch and set his hands on his knees, all while looking at Spock that set still on the rug and looked miserable despite of him not moving a muscle. "Look… I came here as your friend, not as your boss or your superior. I don't mind if you inflict your personal issues on me; on the contrary, I wish you'd trust me enough to do so."

Spock contemplated an answer, and the Admiral decided to slide down to the floor and seat there, laying his back against the couch.

After a moment of silence Spock spoke with a calm, soft manner.

"Vulcans value a realistic observation of the world, one that is undisturbed by emotions, believes or assumptions. And as they spare none of their clear scrutiny, they also do not spare themselves. You see…Richard; I have reviewed myself lately and realized that I am not adequate to serve in the fleet."

"Huh?"

"As recent events and some other past occurrences had shown, I am unable to participate in a social group of humans… or any other species, to be exact. I tend to bring out the worst of others; I evoke aggression, envy, resentment, and other undesirable responses from the ones that surround me. Such a quality is definitely undesired in space service… or any other Star-fleet function."

"Spock…"

"I am an artificial Vulcan-Human hybrid, the only living one that I know of, and maybe that particular combination is a dysergy, it is inconclusive, one can only assume so much basted on a sampling of one." 

"Spock…"

"Still, a man must know his limits and thus…"

"Spock!"

The young Vulcan lifted his gaze up from his lap. "Sir?"

"Son, with all due respect to the Vulcan culture and values, sometimes, a man must throw his logic out of the window and place his faith elsewhere."

"I do not understand."

"Logic can only take you so far, son. Please trust me; you are one of the most adequate men or women to serve in space that I have ever known. Your bad experience with others? Well, that was just some darn bad luck. Don't give up your dreams just because of assholes like Abbott, pardon my language, there are more assholes in life than stars in the sky, son, they come in all shapes and sizes, and you just have to deal with them." 

"How?"

"How?" Admiral Barnett placed a hand on Spock's clad shoulder. "Like we all do, I guess, find the good people to share your live with."

"The good people?"  


"Yes, those who will hold you when your world is crumbling down; pull you out of the inferno, sear your bleeding wounds. They are out there, son, you just have to go and find them."

Even through the fabric, the admiral's emotions seeped into Spock and for once he did not recoil.

"There." The Admiral released him with a tap. "Think about it, and I hope you change your mind, 'cause if you do, I can put you on the Enterprise in three months' time, under captain Pike, speaking of good people…"

 

"I do not wish to take advantage of your influence…"

 

"Shut up, Spock… oh… my back… help me up, please?"

"Of course." Spock got up and helped the Admiral to his feet and then walked him to the door, where they paused for a while, and the Admiral gazed upon him with affection, smiling. 

"I'd hate to lose you, son." He smiled. "But if I must, I prefer to lose you to the stars."

"Thank you, sir."

Spock took a few minutes by the door, after the Admiral left. The man, his words, his affection, his concern, they all moved something inside him.

Moved? Body parts do not move due to an emotion experience, at least not considerably. He had spent too much time among humans; he should return to meditation and reflect upon…

There was another uncoordinated knock on his door. "Spock, you're there?" a female voice filtered through, and there was a try on the doorknob and she came through.

"Spock, you left the door open." Nyota Uhura gracefully stepped inside, and when he did not respond she pouted. "Boy, you truly are sick." Then she shrugged and walked into the kitchen, carrying a pot in her hand.

He followed her in, as through a haze, gaping at her beautiful form and elegant movements.

She placed the pot on the stove and turned it on. "Got any wooden spoons somewhere?"

He reached a draw and fetched her one. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"What does it look like? Heating you up some vegan Gumbo, a handmade treat." She smiled and then her face got stern "Don't get used to it, though, I only cooked it because you are sick."

"How did you know I am on medical leave?"

She placed the spoon in the pot and started stirring. "Bones rated you out."

"He did?"

"Well… I kinda interrogated him until he broke."

"But…. But…"

"But what, Spock?"

"You said you wanted to stop seeing me, that we needed a break, that you wanted a timeout."

Nyota stopped stirring the pot and posed in a contemplative state. "Were we even allowed to date?" she asked, wondering.

"Of course we did." Spock answered. "You are a graduate student, not a cadet, and I have no direct nor indirect influence on your academic progress. I had it checked twice, Nyota. But you wanted to end it, so?"

"Hmmm." Nyota took the spoon out and licked the red sauce off it, very slowly, using too much tongue. "I did, I had, and I'm back. Are you?"

She placed the spoon on the counted and walked out of the kitchen towards the bedroom, losing her dress on the way.

Spock turned off the stove and followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :-)


	4. Never give up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is a very logical ant.

He wished that he could cry, but there were no tears in his eyes, seems like his body had no energy to spare in creating such, all his energy was devoted to breathing, sustaining a heartbeat, creating body heat, maintaining life.

As the rest of his kind, only through sheer force of will did he cling to his physical manifestation, if it was up to his katra, he would have already drop dead where he was standing.

And he was standing by the window, overlooking the town's square where the first annual memorial ceremony had just taken place, 0.75 hours ago. Yet some had lingered in front of the monument, made out of rocky debris they had managed to salvage from Vulcan, some were alone, but most of them in groups, many held each other, as they passed by to pay their respect.

Seems like vulcans were unable to let go of one another, lovers held hands, family members grabbed onto each other's wrists, friend touched each other's arms. They were looking out for one another, keeping each other grounded, preserving sanity, trying to restore reason to their existence. He had to wonder if they were ever going to succeed.

"May I approach?" an old man's voice pierced through his troubled mined.

He turned and saw his elderly counterpart at the threshold of the room. Now there stood a real enigma, that man, not only he had lose his home planet here, but also, somewhere there, he had lost his whole universe, and yet, in an unexplained way he seemed to be the least grief stricken of them all. What kind of a logical paradigm did he hold that allowed him to be this strong? What kind of…

"Humm?" the old man cleared his throat, lifting an eyebrow.  


"Oh, do come in." Spock said. By now he was so accustom of humans barging in uninvited, that he had forgotten to give the vulcan permission.

His older version from a parallel universe walked towards him and set his eyes on the outside view as well.

There was a party of young adolescents outside, forming a circle around the monument, holding wrists and chanting, Spock could hear their faint prayer and recognized it- it was the tradition Vulcan's day of the dead prayer, that he had learned and preformed himself as a child when he was still on Vulcan.

"How do you feel?" Spoke prime asked.

Spock nodded slightly at the odd question. "As all of us do, I believe, devastated, despondent, desperate…"

"Not by any chance- driven?" asked Spock prime with a glimmer in his eyes. 

Spock had to chuckle lightly. "No, not yet."

"This too, shell come." The elder counterpart ensured him. "You see, our wise elders had allowed us those three days of mourning, and everyone's feeling is flowing in the air now, unchecked, unfiltered and raw. In three days time, a ban will be placed on those feelings, so we could concentrate on our work, and we do have a tremendous amount of work ahead."

Spock nodded again, it was only logical to ban those feelings and limited them to three days a year, or else the weight of them would just crush them all. He was grateful that the Vulcan kind had the mental capacity to do so. 

He himself was going to place a psionic barrier in his mind before he leaves New Vulcan, it would probably puzzle his human colleagues, they would think of him as cold and robotic, well, grief as all other emotions were a private matter to vulcans, and those aliens may think what they wish to think.  


"I worry for you." Prime Spock continued. "The elders, your father included, have been rather strict with you, insisting that you should stay in service instead of settling here, taking comfort in rebuilding our nation. Seems a bit unfair, since all other Vulcan delegations were allowed to resign."

"It is only logical that I'd stay in the fleet, and serve as a connection between New Vulcan and the federation. We must not appear weak, not to our enemies, but also not to our allies. Now, since there are two of me, I am in the unique position of being able to be in two places at once." 

"But what about Pon Farr?" 

If anyone but himself was asking him that question he would have earned himself a punch to the face.

"At worst case scenario, I'll return here and perform Kolinahr."

"Have you not established an empathic bond with a vulcan female in your childhood?"

"Unfortunately no, there have been some attempts to no avail. There is, however, a human candidate."

"Is that so?" Spock prime lifted a brow, smiling.

"Indeed, I hope to establish an empathic connection with her in the upcoming 2.3 years."

Now the elder Spock frowned "I was under the impression that an emphatic connection is rather instantly made."

Spock lowered his head, biting on his lips; Spock prime has just expressed one of his deepest concerns. "May I make a personal query?"  


"Oh, I think you've earned it. Go ahead."

Spock found himself blushing, but pressed on. "Who was your T'hy'la, in your universe?" 

Spock prime responded with a soft chuckle, shrugging helplessly.

"I thought we had agreed that I won't share my past for it may disrupt your future, but even if I answer you, it would be of no assistance. This universe is so much different than mine, in so many minute and major ways, even if I disclosed this information; it would probably be irrelevant to you. I am sorry; you would have to pave your own way."

"I see, thank you none the less."

"Is she a goodhearted woman?"

"The most kindhearted of them all."

"Then have faith in her, and be patient, I truly hope you'll avoid Kolinahr." 

"Why is so?"

"I've seem vulcans go through it; it has changed them profoundly, made them rigid, cold, even cruel, I don’t want this for you."

"And there I thought we should all aspire to live in the pure light of reason."

"Reason is overrated." Spock prime shrugged.

His young counterpart struggled not dropping his jaw to the floor.

"Is that… Have you… Could you…" Spock stuttered.

"Imagine yourself as a very small, logical ant." Spock obliged. "Taking the dimension of a dot, and placed at the geometrical center of a segment which connects the centers of mass of two equal, perfectly square sugar cubes. Where would that poor logical ant go? The situation is completely symmetrical, with no advantage given to any sugar cube, the poor thing would not be able to decide which side to turn to, and thus… unable to make a logical decision … eventually it would perish of starvation."

Spock took his time, contemplating on what he had just heard, when his father appeared at the entrance.

"There you are … both." Sarek said, shifting his gaze uncomfortably between the two versions of his son and then he walked in. "The Enterprise is back, ready to pick you up." Sarek handed his son his communicator and backpack. "Your Captain…"

"Captain Kirk? What of him?"

"He is a strange human; tried engaging me in a rather pointless conversation."

"I bet he was just trying to be friendly." Spock prime said and Sarek looked at him as if he had just heard something obscene.

"Are you ready, son? I see that you've already changed back to your uniform."

"Almost ready."

"Good, they elders wish to have a last word with you before your departure. They are waiting in the main hall."

"Thank you, father, I wish to conclude my conversation with Spock prime first, if you don't mind."

Sarek seemed puzzled, unable to detect his son's origin of distress. "Would you keep the council waiting?" he rebuked his son calmly. 

"Elder Sarek." Spock prime bowed slightly. "Please, this is my entire fault, but I assure you, I will not keep him away for too long."

"Very well then…" Sarek nodded slightly. "I'll be in the main hall."

When left alone, Spock breathed in deeply, he had managed to upset his father and probably the council as well, such an irrational behavior.

"What is it, young one?"

"My apologies, I've over utilized your good intentions, I should go to the council…"

"Spock, please; don't give me more reasons for worry, speak your mind."

Spock found himself blushing at the stupidity he has just preformed, seems like humanity was starting to rub on him.

"Spock?"

"I have some concerns regarding my position in the Enterprise and the Federation as a whole, but this is a complicated subject and we don't have time…"

 

"Your hand."

"Sir…?"

"Give me your hand, if you please."

Spock nodded and reached out, Spock prime took hold of his wrist and Spock returned the gesture. They stayed in a lock like this for a few seconds, staring at each other's eyes. When they disconnected, the younger counterpart seemed a bit relieved.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I am positive." Spock prime answered.

"Thank you, so very much."

"The elders are waiting."

//\\\//\\\

After exchanging last words with the council members, Spock pressed on his communicator. "Spock to Enterprise."

"Aye!" Scotty's voice rumbled through the comm.

"One to beam up." Spock answered.

"Aye aye!" the Chief engineer answered.

Of all people, it was Bones who had greeted him at the transporter deck.

"Hello, Commander Spock, welcome back!" he said smiling.

"Doctor." Spock nodded in acknowledgement.

"So, how's your mental state?" the doctor asked, bluntly diving right into the subject. "Do you need any medical assistance? A counselor? Prozac? Chocolate? A blow to the head?"

"None of the above." Spock said, stepped down from the transporter deck, bypassing the doctor with all intent to ignore him.

"Where are you going? Slow down, I'm talking to you!" Bones followed him out of the room, and through the ship's corridors, he had struggled to keep pace with the much sturdier Vulcan. "I want you to see a counselor, and that's an order." 

"After I report to the bridge." Spock answered, entering the turbo lift, and the nagging doctor just tagged along.

Inside the lift, McCoy's face had become more sullen. "How was the ceremony?" he asked with a lower voice as the door closed behind them.

"A tad too long." Spock answered to the McCoy dismay.

"Why… you green blooded hobgoblin!" he muttered behind his back, as they exited the lift and entered the bridge.

Nyota picked up her gaze from her screen, and gave him a dazzling smile, but before she could say anything, someone had jumped him and gave him a tight smothering hug, someone blonde, in a golden shirt.

"Captain?" He said, lifting up an eyebrow, as the man released him.

"I thought you needed a hug." The blonde said, and blushed into deep scarlet as Spock made no response. "Well, apparently… I was mistaken… my apology."

"None needed." Spock answered and scanned the room, nodding slightly to greet each crew member.

"Admiral Pike has ordered us to scan the sigma section." The Captain informed him. "First destinations - Nibiru."

"Course is set and ready, sir." Chekov said from his station.

"Warp three, Mr. Sulu." The Captain ordered the helmsmen with a smile.

"Engaged." Sulu answered with a smile of his own. 

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//

While living among humans, there was this constant risk that every once in a while there would be an unavoidable obligation to attend an unpleasant ritual they referred to as 'Party.' 

Those events were loud, smelly, involved some illumination irregularities, legal and sometimes illegal drugs and talks which had neither beginning nor an end, therefore unjustifiably called 'small'.

Sometimes Spock had managed to refuse politely, on other times he turned them down by taking more workload, but there were times he just had no way out, such as this time, for this party was to celebrate the Captain's return to life, and the invitation came from none other than the man himself.

How was that, that humans could recover from severe injuries, clear up the wreckage, bury their dead, hold an emotional ceremony, cry on each other shoulders and go to a party all at the same day? This was far beyond Spock's comprehension. 

The event took place at one of San Francisco's known dance clubs, which was placed in a huge, three stories hanger, that hosted about 1500 other party-goers, celebrating their own survival after the devastation inflicted on the city by Khan. 

Spock had come prepared.

Wearing thick cloths was essential, so he wore high boots, jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt and just to be on the safe side- a synthetic leather jacket and gloves. Earplugs were also necessary, although they offered little protection from the noise human liked to name 'music'.

And last but not lease, was the facial expression he learned to wear, to repel any nosey human, who wanted to buy him a drink, take him to the dance floor, or take him to the toilets, for some reason unknown.

All senior officers of the commanding crew were attended, and Spock made every effort to check on their position, because once 30% of them had left, it would be considered polite to exit the party himself.

Problem was, it was four in the morning and none of those fifteen officers had bothered to leave yet.

Dr. McCoy was on the first dance floor, dancing with Nurse Christine and making movements that resembled an epileptic seizure.

Scotty, Keenser and Mr. Shvernik were on the second floor bar and have hogged poor Chekov, trying to socialize him with every suitable female passing by.

Sulu had engaged a rather intimate chat with some unknown male at the third floor bar, Nyota, Miss Marcus and two other female officers danced on a stage of the third floor.

Two more officers were consumed in a billiard game next to the first floor bar, and he was located at the first floor bar as well, near the main entrance, so he won't miss anyone's departure.

Only the life of the party was nowhere to be found, well not until he snuck upon Spock from behind and delivered a harsh tap on his back.

"There you are, my friend!" he chuckled as if Spock was the one missing all along, then he turned to face a human male that sat way too close to Spock's comfort.

"Beat it." He said to him, with a narrow gaze.

"This seat is taken!" the man insisted.

"In your dreams." Kirk answered but as the man didn't budge he turned to Spock again. "Come on, let's go to the yard and have some fresh air.

"Yes, sir." Spock said and earned himself a light slap to his leather clad nape.

"What did we agree about off duty?"

"First-name basis." Spock answered.

"Good boy, Good god, look at all those cute shots…" Kirk said as he viewed the line of little glasses Spock was about to leave behind.

"Some people insisted on buying me those. I tried to inform them that vulcans are…"

"Yeah, I'll take those two, and you grab the rest of them. Let's get outside."

"Yes… Jim."

"Lead on." Jim smiled, downing one of the shots already.

Spock obeyed but kept a worried eye on his wobbly captain, and let him lean against his body whenever he was about to stumble down. 

They made their way to the open yard, and by the time they had selected one of the soft couches placed on the wooden deck, Jim had already managed to drink all the shots and scatter the empty glasses on counters nearby.

There were fewer guests outside, talking and drinking relatively quietly, the music volume from within the hanger was reduced to a tolerated level, enough for Spock to pull out his plugs, and hear the soft hum of the sea. Jim collapsed on the couch with a happy giggle, and Spock took a seat on a chair nearby.

They both enjoyed the view for a while, the bay, the lights on the golden bay bridge, the full moon above and the starry sky.

"Man, it is good to be alive!" Jim shouted suddenly, stretching on the fuzzy sofa. "If you see a waiter passing by, I want a tequila shot, with two limes on the side."

"Don’t you think you've had enough?"

Jim blinked at Spock and… pouted?

None the less, Spock insisted "I think you should reconsider. Humans have only a limited capacity in processing alcohol."

"But that's the fun of it!" Jim protested, smiling "Besides, my capacity is way above normal, buddy."

"Aren't you, at least, worried about the projection of this behavior on your commanding capacity?" 

Jim dawdled on it for a moment and then straightened in his seat. "Wait, what? Are you trying to lecture me? On my day off?" he looked rather angered.

Spock recoiled slightly and breathed. "I am Sorry, Jim; I have no right to pass judgment upon you."

"Damn right!" Jim smiled again now and settled back into the couch. "There are two sorts of commanders, you know. My sort and the sort that needs to remove the stick out of their butts."

Speaking of which, Spock could smell fresh human semen on and inside Jim's body, seems like since all STD were obliterated no one had bothered with condoms, not even for hygiene reasons, and it had irritate him, for some reason.

"Why were you sulking by the bar, by the way? Why didn't you go upstairs dancing with Uhura?" 

Sulking? Spock resented Jim's suggestion that his emotions had altered the position his facial muscles.  


"She asked the same." he admitted and watched as Jim waved to a waitress and charmed her into two shots of tequila for the price of one.

"So why didn't you? It's a Vulcan thing, is it? But don't forget that you are also half human."

"32.5% actually, at best."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"I don't know, man… she looked kinnda pissed. If you keep it up, I don’t know if she's gonna stick around much longer."

"Thank you for your concerns."

"You mean- shut up." Jim giggled and the waitress came back with the drinks. He handed out one of them to Spock. "Oh, yes you do!" he insisted, as Spock slightly narrowed his eyes. "You do! Come on!"

Spock reached his hand and took the glass.

"To life!" Jim said and brought their glasses together.

Spock nodded and drank the liquid, which had a rather pleasing taste.

"Ho, look, the waitress forgot something on the tray." He picked up a small paper note and smiled brightly. "A number! I think I'd keep it." He tucked the note into his back pocket. "Where was I? I had a point dragging you out somewhere we could talk. Oh, yes, this…"

Spock eliminated all unlikely reasons and came up with the conversation's topic; he was disappointed because he had hoped this was something he could avoid.

"I got all my assigning requests returned today. They all said- Yeah, Jim, I'm gonna let you drag my ass back to space for five years. Even Scotty, who'd busted my balls over the torpedo thing, signed in. They are all coming back- Sulu, Nyota, Cupcake, but not you?"

"I have decided to return to my teaching position at the academy."

"And what did Uhura say about this?"

"Lieutenant Uhura is a strong independent woman who's capable of taking care of herself. We agreed to a long distance relationship and we'd meet on her shore leaves. She doesn't need me as her chaperone."

"But I need you!"

"There are many fine Starfleet officers who are highly qualified and would gladly serve as your number one, Sir… Jim."

"Yeah, but how many of them got pointy ears? No, seriously, what's the deal, Spock? I need you on board. You are such a pillar to us all; you're calm, rational, insightful and so very strong. I mean who else could have taken Khan down, huh? Come on, Spock, I need my Vulcan back."

Jim sounded like a pouty child, Spock nearly smiled at this.

"Jim, you are a remarkable captain. You have saved my life, more than once, you have saved the crew, gave up your life for them, you have saved this city, and let us not forget- you have single handedly saved Erath."

"Point being?"

Spock had chuckled softly, could not help it. "Point being- you are an extolled officer, a hero, who without a shadow of a doubt can handle himself without a certain vulcan."

"But I do need you." Jim insisted, his voice soften, struggling not to touch the vulcan's arm. "We have a thing between us, Spock… I have felt it when Spock prime melded with me." He admitted, blushing.

"A thing?" Spock raised his eyebrow. "Humans are not accustomed to telepathic communication, that 'thing' might have been the bizarre sensation all humans experience while connected to a telepath."

"Yup, that's bizarre, alright..." Jim admitted. "But there was a thing, within the realm of the bizarre, there was this very distinctive thing."

Spock almost sighed. "I have no way to respond to this statement." 

"The correct respond is yes!" Jim informed him. "See? I am drunk and I know this. I am so way better smarter than you!"

"As you say, Jim."

"So you give in! You're coming back!"

"No."

"Why not?" Jim nearly wailed now, stomping his feet on the wooden deck, drawing unwanted attention from the people nearby, who gave him some puzzled glares, shook their heads and returned to their drinks.

Spock gave Jim a sullen stare; he did not want to give away such private information. That was not the vulcan way, to impose one's feeling on another, but it was the human way, and Jim craved it, and surely did deserve it.

"I have made a list, sir, constructed of my acts and decisions that had resulted in a disaster, or in an approximated one. My report to Admiral Pike that had you demoted, my inability to disobey and replace you at the taking over of Admiral Marcus's ship, my slow response to the Enterprise descent to Earth, which forced you into the radioactive chamber when it should have been me doing it, but most of all…"

"So, you have a fuck up list? We all do."

"Most of all, my refusal to listen to you, after Vulcan's destruction, I almost killed you and single-handedly seal the Earth's fate as well."

"Spock, come on! What do you want? A court martial? A firing squad?"

"I want to go back to the academy where my ability to cause damage would decrease substantially."

"Spock! Geez man, lighten up! What's wrong with you? Do you want to hear my fuck up list? There are things there that would make you pee your pants and run to daddy." Jim straightened up, looking surprisingly sober, and this time he reached for Spock's arm and Spock did not recoil.

"You do not hate me? For nearly destroying your home planet after being unable to save my own" Spock asked, in dismay.

"Do I hate you? This is the first stupid thing I have ever heard you say. Look… with all regards to the high and mighty vulcans, may god bless their perfect Katras… there is no living, breathing creature in this universe that make no mistakes. So we pick ourselves up, dust up and try again. You hear me? Never give up!"

Spock nodded, yet he did not understand. How could humans recover from disasters with such ease? How could they forgive and forget so lightly? And doing so without putting psionic barriers inside their minds? That was the only way Vulcans knew how to cope.

"Vulcans live far too long to beat themselves up like this." Jim said as if reading his thoughts. "Am I right?"

Spock nodded again, a tear sliding down his chiseled face. "As you said, Jim, you are way better smarter than me."

"So it is a yes, then?" Jim said with glee and squeezed Spock's hard muscled bicep.

Spock nodded yet again silently.

Jim sighed with relief and before he could say anything else, three men burst out of the club's door, in the nude, while security guards and some other guests chased them, shouting and cheering.

"Mr. Scotty? Mr. Chekov?! Bones?!!!" Jim recognized the naked men and gaped as they ran through the yard, crossed the gates and left the area.

"What is going on?" he asked Keenser and Shvernik who ran after them but they did not slow down to answer.

It was Sulu who stopped to report. "It's a bet, Jim, first one to take a dip in the ocean wins."

"Wins what?" Kirk asked.

"I don’t know." Sulu shrugged and returned to the chase.

The female officers now exited the club, giggling and laughing without control. Christine fell on the floor, dragging Miss Marcus along with her, and before too long they were all in a pile on the ground. 

"I need you." Jim hissed. "Get those to calm down; I'm going after the nudists."

"Yes, sir." Spock nodded and got up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews, they mean a lot to me.


	5. Creative improvisations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock knows that coffee tables are the enemy.

There was an old Vulcan saying that- the source of happiness laid within careful planning. Spock was a true believer of that saying, he had short term plans, mid and long term ones, and he had the Gantt charts to manage them. Of course, all plans were subjected to change, and needed a lot of revisions after the fall of old Vulcan and the establishment of the new, yet, better correct a plan and alter it again and again than to have none at all.

One of his mid- term plans was coming to a closer in eight month's time, his Pon Farr plan, but he was feeling rather optimistic about its satisfactory conclusion. On the last shore leave, he and Nyota had a great time together. They had rented a house by the beach, had many romantic diners, a lot of heart to heart talks and of course sex. He never had felt more close to a human, she was the best mankind had to offer- brilliant, independent, strong and beautiful. He could never have hoped for something better.

On the last day on the beach, he gave her a gift, his mother's pendant which was extremely dear to him. There were so few relicts to remember his mother by, such as three family photos, a handkerchief that still held her fleeting scent and a ring his father once bought her on their honeymoon on Earth, which was spared only because Sarek had it on him that fated day, planning to take it for a fitting after his council meeting. Spock had intended to use this ring when proposing marriage to Nyota, in the human style.

He also lent her a rare book about the Vulcan culture, hoping that it would invoke Nyota's interest in Pon Farr, because he found out long ago that he could not bring himself to talk to her about it, even though she was his lover. It had him worried, slightly, what would she think of it, she had already informed him on several occasions that their love making was a bit too rough for her liking, blaming it on his 'Vulcan superpowers'.

"So I nearly said to him- "Damn it Jim, I'm an Engineer, not a plumber!" but then I remembered that it was Bones' thing so I yanked it and did the job."

The laughter at the table woke Spock up from his thoughts.   
They were in the almost empty mess room, Scotty, Keenser, Nyota, Chekov and himself, all after their beta shift and totally worn out, because they had taken the alpha shift as well.

The ship had suffered from a series of misfortunes in the last few weeks, first was the surprise encounter with Klingons on a planetary landing, which resulted is Spock's injury while protecting the captain, then there was this engine malfunction that forced them to remain at warp two, if they wanted to keep their shield and life supporting systems intact, and last but not least was this mutated flu strain, that infected over 200 human members, of which the vaccine on board had no effect on. 

They were on their way to star base 44 for maintenance, and the functioning staff was overworked and exhausted. 

"So, tell us some news from New Vulcan." Scotty asked Spock and diverted all attention to him.

Spock took some time to oblige.

"Well, we made a satisfactory progress in our rebuilding program." he answered. "Only last month, the asteroid- protection grid came online, and in a few weeks time there would be a harvest of the first crop on the planet. It is estimated that alone, it could sustain the population for at least six months."

"That's wonderful news." Uhura said, pecking his cheek lightly.

"Yes, we had some concerns that our seeds would not take hold in the soil, but they were laid to rest, at least for this current harvest."

"Speaking of seeds taking hold…" Scotty taunted "You must be doing the nasty like crazy to make lil new Vulcans, Aye?" 

"Scotty!" Chekov said, throwing an apologetic gaze at Spock.

"It is true." Spock admitted. "It has been calculated that each living Vulcan must produce at least four offspring in the next five generations in order to restore the population. Doing the nasty, however, is not required, we have the technology to produce young without inflicting pregnancy upon unwilling female members, or distract anyone from their duties. I myself had become a father of twins three months ago… Are you all right, Nyota?"

Nyota nodded, struggling to catch her breath after choking on her food.

"I think I'm done." Chekov announced and got up. "See you later." 

"Aye." Scotty agreed and got up as well. "Gotta hit the sack before anything else breaks down, good night. Keenser! "He hissed at his friend that showed no signs of movement."We leave! Now!"

After they were left alone, Nyota gave her boyfriend a furious gaze. "When were you going to tell me about it?"

"About what?"

"About becoming a father!"

Spock pondered the question. "I'm sorry, Nyota, I was under the impression that this information was irrelevant to you."

"Irrelevant?" Nyota jumped on her feet, nearly yelling "Irrelevant?!" but then she breathed. "I cannot handle this right now." and walked away, to the curious gazes of all the attendees in the hall.

He exited the mess room and was about to follow Nyota, but his communicator had come to life. "Sulu to Spock."  
"Go ahead." He answered although he already knew what this was about, listening to the sound of the man's voice alone.

"I'm so sorry, acting captain; I cannot relieve you from the Conn." He sounded like a dying man.

"That's fine; don’t worry about it, Lieutenant."

"Are you sure?" Sulu knew Spock was still weak from his injury and had already taken Kirk's and Decker's shifts for the past two weeks since they were both sick as well. 

"I am positive."

"Thank you."

"Have plenty of rest and report to Dr. M'benga in the morning."

"Will do, Sir, thank you."

Spock turned on his heels and headed back to the bridge.

The next few days were even rougher, as more and more people had succumb to the flue, and the ongoing engine malfunction sucked more and more of the starship's energy.

Spock was astounded to find the human capacity of improvisation, Scotty and Chekov had been performing nothing less than engineering wizardry, in their effort to get more energy from the broken down engine, and every day he found people out of their natural habitats performing tasks which exceeded their qualification and training.

For example, he found Miss Marcus on the helmsman station, one day, and when he asked her since when was she qualify as a pilot, she just smiled and said that her father taught her how to handle the helms, as part of their father-daughter bonding time.

When he found Cupcake taking over the sickbay, he did not even ask but was informed that the Lieutenant commander had finished two years of vet school before joining the academy.

Crazy, reckless humans, he thought, but had to admit that if a Vulcan ship was placed in this situation, so far away from civilization, the chances of their survival were slim to none.

And then, things had gotten better.

First to recover was Kirk, with his sunshiny attitude completely intact; he took over the Conn and restored everyone's faith that they could pull this through. Then there was Bones, and next was Sulu, and 48 hours before reaching star base 44, the ship was officially clear of the flue.

Spock was relieved as he viewed the massive base floating in space, awaiting them with open arms, and then he collapsed into the unsuspecting arms of his Captain.

//\\\//\\\//

He woke up three days later, in sickbay, learning from Bones that they have already left star base 44 after undergoing maintenance. Turns out that it was just a minor malfunction that caused all the harm, yet it needed a complete engine shut down in order to be dealt with, something they could not do unless they were docking.

He wanted to report to bridge, but the captain informed him on the comm that if he shows his face there before the next alpha shift, he was going to be escorted out by security. 

Without a choice, he went to his dormitory instead, took a shower, read some lab reports and played a game of chess against himself.

"Uhura to Spock." The comm interrupted him before he declared 'Chess' on himself.

"Spock's here."

"Are you in your room, sweetie? I did not find you at sickbay.

"Yes, I'm there."

"May I come in?"

"Of course." He said and estimated her time of arrival at 2.3 minutes, enough to prepare for whatever it was.

At the past 2.7 years he had known Nyota, he could never anticipate her moves. Whenever he expected a quiet, gratifying interaction, there was an unpleasant, conflict, and when he anticipated a conflict, there was a baffling reconciliation, when he tried to anticipate the opposite of his initial anticipation he got it all wrong none the less, so he gave it up. 

The captain had told him that it was not his fault and that women were confusing to every man dating them; maybe that was why he himself had dated women only about 30% of the time.

"Lieutenant Uhura at the door." The computer announced.

"Let her in."

The door opened, and in stepped Nyota, with his book in her hand. "It is so hot in here." she said. 

"Computer, set the temperature to 28 Celsius." Spock ordered, that was their established settlement regarding climate control, from a long time ago.

She looked at the chess board and smiled, then seat on the couch, placing the book on the small coffee table.

"A dash of milk, two sugars?" Spock asked, already knowing how she took her coffee. 

Nyota nodded and he went to his small kitchen area to use the food generator, getting her coffee and his tea, then he came back and set on the chair, near the sofa.

"So how are you?" she asked after sipping on her coffee.

"I am fine." He said although the Captain refused to acknowledge that.

She smiled softy. "We were a bit worried; you went through some tough weeks."

"We all did."

"Yes, we all did, but Scotty said that we were out of the woods and heading for the next."

"If I understand correctly, then I assume that he is right."

"Ain't he always?" she smiled again yet lowered her eyes and sent her hand to stroke the book's cover.

"Is there's something bothering you?" he asked, testing the waters gently, he had never fully understood her body language.

"I need to talk to you." She admitted after a long while.

"We are talking." He stated, drinking his tea.

"I mean… talk, talk."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Find, then talk talk."

Nyota sighed, still not meeting his eyes and as humans regarded it, this was not a 'good sign'. "I have no idea where to begin." She honestly confessed again.

"May I?" he offered, raising his hand towards hers.

She removed her hand from his grasp and recoiled. "You know I don't like it when you try to use touch telepathy on me."

Spock had always tried not to take this as rejection, but he could not help but feel frustrated.

"I don’t understand." He said softly. "You know I will not hurt you. It is only a mean for us to understand each other better, you don’t mind us touching intimately otherwise."

"Yeah, that's the only way to have sex, no?" She agreed, chuckling softly, still not looking at him. "But this touch telepathy… I don’t like it, it is only one sided, you have all the control." It sounded as if she accused him of her being Psi-null. "That is not what I call a mutual communication."

"Talk, then." He said again, placing his arms in his lap.

Her eyes returned to the book. "I've read some of parts of this." She opened. "There were some interesting stories there, but some of it, I must say, I found kind of disturbing. The pre-formed era was really dark, I mean, all civilizations went through some dark ages, but yours were especially savage."

Spock nodded. "We were very fortunate to have had a great teacher such as Surak, to pull us out of that darkness."

"Yes, but at a great cost, don't you think?" she finally raised her eyes to meet his, and they were shiny with tears. "You have given up on your emotions."

"That is untrue." Spock answered. "We feel just as deep as humans, if not more."

"You may feel, but you never act upon your emotions, isn’t it just as giving them up? I mean… when Vulcan got destroyed, you acted like a robot."

"I came as far as nearly killing the captain." He reminded her.

"Yes, I remember, I was there, I remember you almost falling apart in my arms, but five minutes later, you were calm and collected again as if nothing had happened. This is not normal, Spock, this is…"

"Vulcan."

"Yes. Your people scare me, Spock, honestly, with all due respect to first contact and your help to mankind, I cannot help but feel like you are just monsters; lurking behind a thin crust of reason that can disintegrate and rebuild with no warning, on a very short notice."

He had nothing to say to that, she was correct.

"Giving up emotions for such a poor coping mechanism? Isn't it a shame?" She continued, tears started flowing from her eyes down her beautiful face, and she wiped them with elegant fingers. "At first I thought… Well, you're only half Vulcan, there's hope for you yet… but… as I got to know you… it seems like you are worst than them all, as if you are trying to compensate for your human part."

Spock saw where this was going; and she probably did not even get to the Pon Farr part of the book.

"And I'm not talking about the way you nearly got yourself killed inside that volcano once, not even considering what it would have done to me, I thought I had gotten over it, but then… just a few days ago, I've learned that you have kids, Spock! You know how crazy this is? To find out something as important and profound as this over dinner time? With other people around to hear it for the first time too?"

He nodded, acknowledging his mistake.

"And forget about me… what about those poor little babies, going to grow up with no father, and no mother?"

"We are an endangered species, Nyota, if your race was in our position, you would also have gone through any extremity to save it."

"No, we would never raise children this way, Spock, never!"

This was a hypothetical argument, there was no logical way to confront it, and so Spock remained silence.

"I would never allow my children to grow up this way, raised by strangers and without warmth and love, but it seems to me that you have no trouble with it. Do you know how cold it is, Spock?"

"Cold, as you call it, it a culture dependent quality." He answered knowingly it will not undo her already established point of view. "I agree that it is not ideal, and not the way I wanted to start my family, but it is logical, concerning the circumstances. Those babies will be provided for and become a healthy part of society." 

"I have also read about that ritual, what your people do to a month old baby- the T'he'ra." She continued.

T'he'ra was performed on a month old baby by a parent or an elder, the first psionic barrier that was placed in the infant's mind to help it control its primal emotions and cope with the strict education that babies go through from such a young age. 

"The T'he'ra is essential for any baby integrating into Vulcan society."

"That ritual is an emotional castration, that's what it is!"

"This is a judgmental argument."

"Damn right it is! Do you understand that Vulcans mutilate their babies' brains at one month old?"

"This is not mutilation! This was done on me, am I mutilated?"

"Yes, you are." She protested. "In human terms, you are practically autistic!" 

"Nyota! I thought you were more open minded than this! You make a bigot's error, expecting vulcans to follow human values! The Vulcan culture relies on means and measures that you might not understand, but you must trust us to know what is best for our young!"

"Maiming them on purpose?" she nearly yelled. "Is that your best?"

"My mother, a human, and had agreed to this. Do you think she had not my best interest in her mind? Do you imagine she wanted to hurt me? "

"I might not understand Vulcans, or your mother, but I know I won't have this inflicted on any child of mine!"

"Don't you understand what would happen if a child of ours does not go through this ritual? How disadvantaged it would become in a Vulcan society? Practically an invalid!"

"All Vulcans should stop this barbaric act!" she said, straightening up in her seat, a defiant look on her lovely face. 

Spock gasped- what a dare? How can he even begin to deal with this?

"Yes, Spock, maybe it is time for another reformation, a new planet, a new start?"

Spock found himself pinching the bridge of his nose like his beloved late mother used to do, and he got up to start pacing in the room.

"We cannot go back to pre-reform times." He said while pacing. "We cannot go back to those dark ages. The T'he'ra is part of the measures that insure that, can't you understand? It is a fundamental part of the Vulcan' structure, take it down and everything else falls apart."

"Or not…" Nyota said softly. "You've come a long way since those dark ages; you are not the same as before. You know… when a human child learns to ride a bike, he needs training wheels, and after he learns to ride, they are redundant. But he could still use them, he could use them all of his life, if he is afraid, but that doesn't mean he needs them anymore." 

"Nyota, you pose an interesting argument, but even if your reason is sound, which I cannot determinate at this point, it is still beyond my capacity. I can take it to the elders, if you insist, but I don't know if…"

"Why? Why the elders? Aren't you capable of making your own mind?" her voice was almost tainted with mockery.

He turned to her with dismay writing all over his face. "Nyota!" he breathed "This is such an egoistic thing to say! The needs of the many…"

"Outweigh the needs of the few, I know, but really?"

Spock paused his pacing and breathed. "I'm not even sure why we are having this conversation." He admitted. "In this time of need, the vulcans will hold to their values even more strongly than before. They will… I will stay true to the way of Surak as it has proven to guide us efficiently through times of peril."

"It is your answer? Embracing your Vulcan part, turning your back on humanity?"

"Nyota, you cannot say that, one does not exclude the other."

"Yes it does, Spock. It does, and we are done." She said, wiping off her tears and getting up.

Spock sighed with relief. "Yes, it is late. We may continue this tomorrow."

Nyota stopped on the way to the door, glaring at its metallic form, smiling. "No Spock." She said, and sniffed. "We are done."

"What?"

 

"I am sorry." She turned to face him again, and then placed her hands on her face. "I've tried to let it slide, honey… I really did… and when I couldn't, I tried to hold my peace at least until you felt better, but I… I couldn't either." new tears started falling down her face. "Everyone's got their breaking point, I guess."

No! He started pacing again, faster and faster in the room, like a lion in the cage. This could not end like this! He can fix it! He can fix it!

When he came across it, he slammed his fist into the coffee table, dropping the book from it, smashing the cup on the floor, denting the metal completely, rendering the furniture scrap.

She flinched but said nothing, and he walked towards her, falling on his knees, concealing his face in her lap.

"We can work this out. I can… I can relinquish the T'he'ra, we can live on Earth, it is only logical, our children will be more human than Vulcan anyway."

He looked up, his eyes also filled up with tears.

"No, honey, sweetheart, no, I could not have children with you, knowing that there are others out there, who are not mine…" she whispered, stroking his soft hair gently, smiling through her tears."And I see this clearly now. You are more Vulcan than human; it will slowly kill you, leaving New Vulcan behind."

"I seemed to find no place." Spock sighed "Not among humans nor Vulcans…"

"You are young, you'll find it." She stroked his face, wiping off his tears.

He grimaced, obviously she did not get to the Pon Farr part of the book, but he was not going to tell her anything now, the last thing he wanted was for her to carry an unjustified guilt of his death. Shell it come to pass, the error was his, his faults were his own, the guilt, if any required, was his alone.

He looked up to her, meeting her teary eyes. "This is not part of our break out- make up routine, isn't it?" he had to make sure.

"No, it isn't. I still love you, honey; I just can't do this anymore. I have always wanted a romantic man, someone to call me sweetheart, and darling, buy me flowers and chocolate, to find us a lovely Creole cottage at the Bayou and raise our children there…"

"I was romantic, on the last shore leave." He whispered, frustrated.

She laughed. "Yes you were, I found your list of romantic gestures in my suitcase when I unpacked it on board, and every line was marked with a "v". Did the Captain help you with that?"

Spock nodded.

"That was nice of him, nice of you too… but… when something is not real, there no poem, no perfume, no candlelit dinner that can fix it, honey." She kept stroking his soft hair. "I'm sorry, I wish for us to remain friends. Can we do that?"

He got up and nodded, assuming his stoic pose once more. "I see no reason for us not to. Miss Uhura."

"Mr. Spock."

"Good night, I'll see you on the alpha shift."

"You will." She smiled through her tears and left his room.

He seat back at the chair and resumed his game of chess, ending it with a mate in three more moves, by the time he was finished, a new barrier was placed in his mind.

He had made a fatal error, trusting a human with his life, and he had eight months and ten days to rectify it, he could really use some of that amazing human capacity of creative improvisations, but how could he hope to duplicate that which he did not comprehend?

With his plan in shambles, and so little time, the odds were not in his favor, but for some reason, he could not bring himself to care.


	6. A leap of faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock had never encountered blueberries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Ok, when I rated the story explicit it was because this chapter, this is as explicit as it gets- Pon Farr, Male X Male, provocative language and some more, you have been warned.

"I am glad you came." Said Sarek, making Spock realize how severe the situation was, if it averted his father into expressing an emotion. "How are you?"

"Not well…. My mind is… in riot." Spock fought the need to place his hands of his head, they were shaking, and there was this chance he might try to pull at his hair.

"You should have come sooner; it is a wonder how you've managed so far. We have some new drugs here, to weaken a Pon Farr, we were forced to develop them after the destruction of Vulcan, you'd be surprised how many young had found themselves in your predicament. We had to try and save them." Sarek took his son's arm and led him from the entrance through the healing center's corridors. 

Spock unsettled the strangers he had encountered on his way, his eyes bored to deeply into stranger females and he made low threatening growls at males, and they all hurried to move out of his way, while his father threw apologetic nods at them.

"There we are." Sarek said as they reached a lab room, where a female healer awaited them with a hypospray at hand.

"The human hybrid." The healer greeted them with concern and reviewed her patient. "He is quite matured. We have no data regarding the efficiency of this treatment upon hybrids or males at his age."

Sarek nodded, while holding on to his son, who was trying to reach out for the psi points on the healer's face. "We must try."

"I'll double the dose." She said, reaching for a tube full of clear liquid. "At any rate, you must remove him from society until he presents no more risk." Or die, she might as well just add.

"I know." The elder struggled to restrain his son, without resulting to a nerve pinch. "The seclusion compound is nearly completed, I'd take him there."

"That would be suitable." The healer agreed and turned to face them again. "Please hold him still."

"Easier said than done." Sarek answered, but he was no longer match to the younger vulcan in his state of amok.

Spock raged and moaned, wild and lost to reason, he turned on his father and attacked him.

"Help here!" the healer shouted, and some passing by male healers heard her call and came in, to help them. It took three of them to push him down to the floor and inject the drug into him.

They waited a few minutes until his body had stilled and his breathing deepened, and then let him go and cleared the room.

"Spock?" his father hunched over him, worry in his old eyes.

"Father." Spock breathed, blinking. "Where am I?"

"The healing center, New Vulcan, but we cannot linger here." 

Spock's memory recovered from his temporary loss and he sat on the floor, his whole body aching, his mind numb but noisy, like a rumbling train from far away.  


"You must move him out of here before he causes more damage." The healer reminded Sarek and he nodded.

"Wait!" Spock said, grabbing his father's wrists in urgency. "The nursery… you promised!"

"Some other time, son."

"No other time!" Spock roared, and then breathed again. "We won’t stay long, I promise." 

Sarek turned to look at the healer which did not seemed pleased at the idea, his eyes pleaded in silence. 

"Half an hour, but then you must leave." She reconciled "I'll take you there."

"Thank you, thank you so much!" Sarek said, excided, and helped his son to his feet.

"This way."  


She led them to the second floor and opened the doors with her bio-pass. As they stood at the nursery's doorway, the healer gazed sternly into Sarek's eyes. "Half an hour." She reminded him. "At the first sign of trouble I'm sending the security guards in." 

"You are kind beyond words." Sarek bowed.

"I'll wait here." she bowed back. 

"Son?" Sarek asked, but Spock has already entered the low lit room, full of tender babies, lying in their cribs. 

There was a meditative music filling up the nursery, and holograms of letters, numbers and pictures of animals have ran on the walls and ceiling, the babies who were awake followed the lights with interests.

Spock did not need the name tags, he could recognize his twins by smell, and walked towards them, then he just stood there, gazing at his children that were soundly asleep, gently running his fingers on their chubby small arms.

"Styns and T'riva." He mumbled the names on the tags, 'Endurance' and 'Resilience' in meaning, such big names for such small creatures. "Have they already undergo the T'he'ra?"

"Of course."

"You?"

"Spock prime."

Spock nodded, it was an honor. "How human are they?" he whispered, kissing them still with his fingers.

"12.6%"

Spock nodded again, that meant that he himself was only 25.2% human, he was never brave enough to take the test himself. "They are almost pure vulcans; I hope they will find bond mates with ease."

"They will." Sarek assured him, annoyingly tearing up.

"There are so many things I wish to tell them, so much to convey… so little time."

Sarek grabbed Spock's wrist and hissed at the outburst of emotions, yet he had not recoiled. They stayed like this for a long while, until he disengaged again. "I will tell them." He promised, sniffing, thanking god that there were no adults in the room other than his son to view this.

"May you also convey my gratitude to the eggs' donor?"

"I would, but she had passed away a long time ago. She was a renowned scientist on an outer colony; her donation was done many years ago as a contribution to science."

"Her name?"

"T'ripu."

Spock nodded, he knew her work; she conducted an excellent study on dark matter. "I did not deserve siring children with the likes of her." 

"You are far too modest, son."

Spock sneered at that. "I must be dying if you are to speak this way."

Sarek could not answer.

"Take care of them for me, please?"

Sarek nodded, still unable to talk.

Spock placed a hand on each tiny chest, forming the well known Ta'al with his fingers. "Live long and prosper." He whispered in a hoarse voice.

"Peace and long life." His father echoed.

The Healer made herself known at the Nursery's pathway.

"We must leave." Sarek said. "Come on, the shuttle is probably waiting outside."

//\\\//\\\//

The Shuttle took them to a remote part of this still mostly deserted planet, where a compound was build for monks and Vulcans who wished to undergo the Kolinahr ritual. The compounded, not yet populated, included some traditional mud houses, which were all connected by a gravel yard that had been decorated with simple stone statues that were designed to help in meditation.

There were no roads leading there, no transporter decks, no electricity, communication or even food storage, the only facility operating was a well, powered by solar panels, which drew water from the deep aquifer underground and supplied it for basins and bathes at the houses through a water tower.

Spock did not take much with him to that remote site, just his meditation rug, and a change of clothes, he held them in a bundle while he walked the gravel path along side his father, the sun was blazed hot at the zenith point of noon, the wind blew softly, raising a thin cloud of red dust and the purple-red summits that surrounded the valley seemed to twinkle in the scorching heat.

"It is beautiful here, almost as in Vulcan." Spock said, as the path led them into the yard. 

"Almost, but not the same." His father agreed.

"Where should I settle?" Spock asked reviewing the houses that all looked the same.

"Anywhere you'd like, the huts won’t be claimed until next summer."

Spock smiled, remembering the logical ant, then took a random sway to the left and chose the house on the rear.

Inside, was surprisingly pleasant, the Vulcan had bulled their traditional houses with high ceilings and narrow high windows that did a good job at ventilating extra heat out.

Spock spread the rug on the living area's floor and was settled, he looked at his father. "You should leave, the drug; it's losing its effect."

"Dear child!" Sarek came rushing towards Spock and embraced him. "You are going to survive this! This is only your second one; meditation will pull you through like the last time! Don't give up!"

"Father…" Spock growled, struggling to break free.

"I'm sorry for not guiding you through this, I was so consumed by my own grief, by my duties as an elder, and I had kept away from you…" 

"Father!"

"I love you son, remember that and fight!"

Spock pushed his father away from him with more force that he wished to use, and the old vulcan struggled not to fall down on the floor.

"Why should I fight?" Spock asked, bitterness had filled his voice. "This Vulcan-human hybrid is… a failed experiment. Make sure no one repeats it… please…"

"It was an act of love, Spock." Sarek said, tears in his eyes. "You were an act of love."

"Go, before I cannot…"

"Spock, please fight it! Live! I'll be back in a week and I want to see you then."

"I'll try." Spock promised with a rare smile. "But if I fail… take comfort in your grandchildren and your expecting wife."

Sarek did not reply to that, he just nodded and turned away, leaving the house, leaving his son alone to his struggle.

And as the time passed, the struggle just became more desperate. This Pon Farr was nothing like his first; it was much more forceful, intense, consuming, his blood was boiling, his body restless, and his mind noisy as a twenty lanes' highway.

For two days and nights he tried meditating in the yard, under the boiling heat of the sun or the freezing chill of the starlight, but he was getting no relief. Without a physical outlet of a sexual or violent nature, his body attacked itself, his hormone level was at a lethal state, the toxins in his blood poisoned his cells, and he knew he was going to die an agonizing and slow death.

In his hallucinations, he conjured companions to his loneliness.

First came Spock prime, his elderly version from another universe, and he wished to ask him- how did he survive to reach such an old age? How did he find balance between his human and Vulcan parts, which didn't seem to fit at all? What was his secret? Was his universe kinder to their sort? But the old Vulcan just sat there and smiled, revealing nothing.  


His mother of course was there, weeping, and he could not figure out if she wept for herself or for him, was she sadden by his unavoidable death or was she angered at herself, for creating such a hopeless hybrid out of selfish, illogical reasons. He wanted to tell her that he forgave her, long time ago, that he loved her so much, but she was dead and it was too late.

Next came the boys who had bullied him in his childhood, where were they now as adults? Were they even alive? Their childish specters glared at him with judgmental scrutiny; in their eyes such an abomination deserved no mate, nor life, nor sympathy.

Nyota was there too, watching him with sorrow filled eyes, gazing at this thing that he had become, all raw fury and lust, all things vulcan stripped away from him, the thin crust of reason was no longer there to hide the monster underneath. Was she right? Were all Vulcans just a bunch of prude, tea sipping atrocities?

And there he was the embodiment of all that was good in mankind, the brave, cheerful, kind hearted, James T. Kirk, his hero, his Captain, the beautiful golden boy that everyone loved and admired. He wished he could hide himself from those clear blue sky eyes.

But something was wrong with this last illusion, it was too elaborate, it fit perfectly into its surrounding and responded realistically to the gravity, the weather and the lighting. It carried a backpack, now why would an illusion do that? And the wind brought its smell to his nostrils, sweet human sweat.

An illusion? A mirage? No, that golden figure was real.

What was that foolish human doing here? Couldn't he tell the kind of a peril he was in? Couldn't he understand that he was facing a dangerous predator? All instincts, zero control? Coming up here, where no one could help him, flaunting his fragile beauty, like some kind of offering?

Claim! Have! Kill if unwilling! 

No!

Yes! Take! Overpower! Use!

No?

Now!!!

And so, with no shred of civilization left in him, Spock just used his vulcan power and reflexes to pounce at the human, knocking the human down to the ground, and let the blood fever take over.

//\\\//\\\//

He woke up at dawn, blinking at the soft light pouring through the narrow high window. Inside, he was inside a house. How?

He was on top of a bedroll? How come? He brought no bedroll here.

He was alive?!

Panicking, he turned to his side and found his captain sprawled next to him, naked, beaten, bleeding, and dead? No… he breathed, soundly asleep as it seemed.

Spock hurried to examine the damage he had inflicted upon his victim. There were bites on his neck and shoulders, dry blood on his chest and in his blonde hair. Blue, green and yellow patches adorned his waist side and inner thighs. Semen and dry lubrication fluids were smeared all over his body, face, chest, thighs, genitalia, speaking of which…

Holding his breath, Spock turned the man gently around and spread his legs. When this was not enough, his fingers slowly spread the mounds of his ass.

Spock feared the sight of the delicate human anus, it was red, swollen, smeared with blood and semen, but not torn, still intact, and he could breathe out.

"Hey…" The human mumbled, awakening. "Break is already over, big guy?"

Spock flipped him over again, to gaze into those blue, blue eyes.

"No rest for the wicked?" the blonde flashed a smile.

Spock immediately removed himself and glared at him from a safer distance.

Reckless, stupid, illogical human!

"What are you doing here, Jim?" Spock found himself barking at his captain. "You damn fool! I could have easily killed you! Do you even understand what kind of a risk you were taking? Coming here? alone? Damn you! You… idiot!"

"Geez, Spock, you're welcome." Jim murmured, despite his state, he was in good spirit for an obscure reason, rising on his elbows. "Is it over?"

"We have only just begun! How did you find me here? Who told you? Whoever it is, I am going to kill him!"

"Kill yourself, then." Jim yawned, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

"Spock prime would never put you in any kind of danger!" Spock growled.

"That's right." Jim answered. "He just told me where you were. The one who put me in danger was me."

"What? Why?" Spock almost growled again.

"Damn you, Spock! You were acting crazy for weeks! And then you deserted the ship on star base 18?! Falling off the grid and no one could trace you for a month!!! What was I supposed to do? Let you face trial? I took a personal leave and went after you! Only when I contacted Spock Prime I found out in what deep shit you were in! Were you ever going to tell me anything, you thick-headed bastard?"

"No."

"Fuck you, Spock! You could have died!"

"Not your problem."

"What? Come here." Jim ordered.

"No. Not a good idea…"

"Come here!" Now his captain commanded. "Do that mind meld thing. Come on Spock, please."

The Vulcan puffed his resentment, but came closer again, placing his hands on Jim's handsome face, his fingers aligned with his psi points.

Jim tried a brave smile. "I need you to know how I feel, just don't fry my brain, ok?" 

"We don’t have to do this." Spock whispered.

"Yeah, we do." Jim insisted. "Just focus on us, Ok? Oh, and anything Tarsus or Kodos related just… skip it, ok?"

"As you wish." Spock nodded without much understanding and placed his fingers on the humid, pink skin. 

And as he touched Jim's warm face, it was like a den opening, so many emotions flooded him, streaming and splashing all over his scan of their shared history, from Jim's point of view.

Jim's fascination with him, ever since he laid eyes on him at the academic hearing, his pleasure in working together, his everlasting enjoyment of taunting Spock for his logical approach to life, his growing desire, longing, jealousy towards Nyota, his emphatic connection to Spock prime.

Spock was overwhelmed by Jim's emotions since he found out about the Pon Farr, concern, anger, fear of lose, determination, courage, love?

"You didn't have to." Spock said finally, releasing Jim from his hold.

"Can't you feel it? Our bond?" 

"I do." He admitted. "But you could have walked away, you're not a Vulcan, severing this bond would not have jeopardize you."

"But you are a Vulcan." The blonde human insisted. "And it would have jeopardized you." 

"I almost got you killed!"

"You almost died!"

"I've raped you!"

"I was willing!"

"Willing? Willing for what? Willing to be abused like this?"

"I had worst." Jim blushed and lowered his head. "No." he pushed at Spock's chest while the Vulcan was reaching out for his face again. "Not yet, ok? Take me to a fancy dinner first?"

Spock nodded, sending his worry and affection through their newly formed bond.

Jim's eyes shone with a naughty glitter. "Not over yet, huh?"

Spock realized that he had also sent his lust and blushed.

"That's ok." Jim laid back and spread his legs wide, displaying his gaping anus with no shame. "You can fuck my hole."

Spock wanted to protest, but his desire still roamed out of his control. He moved with a predatory grace and got on top of his human, expressing dominancy by restraining his body, plastering his mouth to his neck, pressing lips against the pulsing artery.

"Fuck me." Jim breathed. "As hard as you need, I can take it."

Spock just pushed in, thrusting through Jim's tight opening and deep into his body. It was wonderful, the soft, warm flesh, engulfing his hot, greedy cock, and it was so natural; was like coming back home.

Spock pulled out and pushed back in, forcefully, thrusting deeper than before, but true to his word, Jim did not falter, or recoil. He just lifted his legs up and wrapped them around Spock's waist, bending his knees to allow further penetration, he hooked his hands on Spock's back, to encore himself as the vulcan's thrusts became faster and harder.

"God, you're huge." He moaned as the massive cock pushed in and out of him at a steady rhythm. "That self lubrication thing… that's helpful."

Spock huffed and bit his neck gently.

"You want me to shut up, huh?" He chuckled and hissed as a well aimed thrust hit his prostate. "God, yeah! Human anatomy class; missed my Vulcan's one."

Spock huffed again and sped up his well aimed thrusts, leaving Jim no excess breath but for moaning.

He placed his hand on the golden hair, fingers on the human's temple, sending him his side of their pleasure, the way Jim's body was taking him in, so tight and wet and sweet.

Jim came first, his orgasm, intense and shuddering, echoed through the bond, but not enough to tip Spock over the edge. Spock rose on his knees, placing Jim's legs on his shoulders and continued his pounding, into the lax, soft flesh.

The human took the pounding without a protest, as he did for the last four days, he was really glad he took Spock Prime's advices on the enema and the anal plug.

"He told you what?!" Spock stopped his thrusts and glared down into Jim's bright eyes, without concealing his rage.

"In his universe, Spock prime was my counterpart's T'he… T'hy…"

"T'hy'la?! Really?" 

"What's so wrong with that?" Jim protested "Hey, don't answer, just fuck me." He sighed.

And Spock did, and a few moments later he was coming, sprouting his hot semen inside his bond mate, then he collapsed beside him with a moan. He let himself close his eyes for a while and just breathe.

"Well…It's kinda bluish…" Jim said after a while.

"Huh?" Spock peeked at him and saw that he had scooped some semen that had poured out his loose hole.

"Taste like blueberries too." Jim concluded after sucking on his fingers.

"What are blueberries?" Spock asked and searched for something to clean them both up. He saw bottles of water on the floor, the empty wraps of energy bars, a towel, no doubt about it, Jim had come here prepared.

Spock reached for the towel, but it was damp and reeked of human urine, he wrinkled his nose and eyed Jim.

"What? I had to piss somewhere…" the human blushed. "You've never let me move an inch away from your dick."

"I'm sorry."

"That's fine… kinky, but fine."

Spock rolled on his back and stretched his long body, looking up to the ceiling; he stayed that way for a few moments.

"What is it?" Jim asked after a while.

Spock huffed and shook his head. "I cannot believe you did something so stupid. It could have ended so much worst. Imagine me waking up to find you dead, huh? What would I do then?"

"Relax now, will you? Spock prime told me that as long as I display a submissive behavior, bend over and let you use my boy-cunt then I'll be just fine… My words, not his… the last part." He explained as Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Why do you think so lowly of yourself?" Spock asked with hesitation, in the few moments he had spent in Jim's head he could not help but notice the way Jim referred to himself, calling himself a slut, a bitch, a whore… Nyota never did so, nor did Jack or any other person that showed sexual interest in him.

"That's a much too personal question, sorry."

"I understand." 

Spock rose to a seating position and sent Jim a view of their future relationship. They'd return to their normal co-working routine, and in another seven years, when the next Pon Farr hits…they'll find a way to deal.

"No way!" Jim protested "I'm your bond mate, and I'm not gonna wait another seven years for you to fuck me again!"

"Jim…?"

"Just because one question is too personal right now does not mean I want you out of my personal life."

Humans… so damn complicated.

"No, Vulcans… simple." Jim answered his thought with a smirk. "I am so filthy. I've never been this filthy since I was thirteen, I think."

It was a good idea for the both of them.

"The shower is operational." Spock got up and waited for Jim to follow.

"Ooh…I don’t know if I can walk..." The human said, blushing again.

"Of course." Spock came back and scooped Jim with ease, carrying him into the shower.

"Wow, you're strong." Jim hissed, impressed, as he let himself be carried away like a child. "I bet you could fuck me against a wall for hours without breaking a sweat."

"Vulcans rarely sweat."

"Wanna try it someday?" Jim asked as Spock laid him against the wall, but his steamy suggesting was soon answered with heaps of freezing water pouring on his body. "Damn it, Spock!"

"Yes, the water in the tower is still a bit cold from the night."

"A warning would be nice!"

"Beware, the water is cold."  


"Thank you."

Icy, the water was practically icy; Jim trembled and leaned towards the vulcan for extra body heat.

Spock tried to remove blood, semen and other body fluids from them both at a minimum span of time, before Jim turns blue. After that, he carried Jim back to the living room and they both got dressed with fresh cloths. 

"My father will come for me tomorrow." Spock said. "He'd be thrilled to see that I've survived. He'd be delighted to meet my bond-mate. "

"Sarek is coming here? I think he hates me…Hey, if your dad's gonna show up, you'd better clean this place up."

Spock nodded with vigor "Where is the Enterprise?"

"On its way here, escorting a supply convoy."

"Sulu?"

"Yeah, they'll be here in three more days and then we are heading to the Fabona space section for a diplomatic mission, I expect you on board."

"Yes, sir."

"Great, I think I'm gonna sleep now. Wake me up if you need… you know." Jim yawned, curled up on the bedroll and was asleep within a second.

 

//\\\//\\\//

They set up a bonfire as the night fell and the temperature dropped, it was made out of some woods Spock found around the compound and was lit with a box of matches Kirk brought with him. Their dinner was corn canned soup and cheddar crackers also found in Kirk's bag.

"I find your choice of food lacking." Spock said as he finished his soup.

"Hey, buddy, be thankful that you have anything to eat at all." Said Jim, as he sat in Spock's lap and cuddled him for warmth.

"I am thankful for many things, Ashayam." Spock kissed Jim's temple. "How are you?"

"For the ten thousand time - I'm fine!" Jim answered; he took two painkillers and washed it down with some Klingon Fire-wine; he was beyond fine. 

"I wish you'd take a better care of yourself." Spock answered, lazily stroking the man's golden hair.

"That's why I got a first officer, you know."

"Tomorrow I'll take you to the healing center."

"Thanks, good idea. So cold here! This temperature range is a killer." 

"Let's get inside, then?"

"No, I want to look at the sun for a while longer." Jim rested his head on Spock's shoulder and gazed up at the magnificent night sky.

"Suit yourself." Spock hummed.

They spent half an hour arguing about it, Jim pointed at a star that he claimed was the sun, Spock said that Sol was not visible to the naked eye from New Vulcan and to that Jim answered that he had gotten an excellent grade in navigations and that he was the captain and therefore he rested his case, so Spock let the case rest as well.

"It does feel a bit weird, though, looking at the sun from so far away, this little shiny dot that is your place in the universe."

"It is, indeed." Spock agreed. 

"When I was a child, back in Iowa, I used to look up at the night sky wondering about aliens. Hey, Spock… when was the first time you saw an alien? I saw my first when I was thirteen, we were just rescued from Tarsus four and the rescue shuttle had an alien pilot, this purple-brown thing with scales and a long tail, have no idea if it was a male or female or something else."

"You never saw an alien before the age of thirteen?"

Jim shrugged "Grew up on earth, moved to an Earth's colony… only heard about them, never saw one; never thought I would end up marring one. Well that Vulcan bonding thing, it is for life, yes?"

"It is."

"Lucky me. So when was it?"

"Seeing an alien for the first time? Well, I saw one the moment I was born, my mother."

"Yeah…" Jim chuckled into Spock's chest. "Stupid question."

"Not entirely." Spock smiled; tighten his hold on the shivering human. "As a Vulcan-Human hybrid, I have never met another of my kind, so in a way, wherever I go, I am always the alien."

"That's… that's sad…"

"And I thought that I had no place in the universe. With this Pon farr… it was not as if I was expecting to die, I was almost looking forward to it."

"Spock!" Jim elbowed him angrily, but it was like hitting a brick wall, so he was the one to hiss in pain. "You are not dying on my watch! Do you understand me?"

His voice sounded angered, but all Spock could pick up through the bond was love and more love.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why risk your life for me, Jim? You must acknowledge the fact that by going after me; you could have ended up dead, do you?"

"Yes."

"And you also know that in a few days' time I'd return to my annoying, cold, alien self."

"I know." Jim lowered his head and breathed.

"And we'd be a captain and his first officer for at least three more years."

"Ok?"

"And there's this small matter of me being a father already, of two children."

"Yeah, Uhura told me all about it."

"So why?"

"Because I love you, Spock."

"I love you too, but this is overwhelming, irrational, insane…" Spock said, feeling all those emotions back and forth through the bond, it was like standing in the eye of a planetary storm. "I wish I understood any of this." He sighed. 

"When you love someone… you just do it. No matter how difficult, no matter how hopeless, you just take that leap of faith. You know what I mean?"

He was alive against all odds, his people were alive against all reason, he had children he never knew he would ever sire, and he found a bond mate, who loved him, risked his life for him, and was willing to share his future with him. Reason could not take him any further.

"Yes, I think I do." He said, and kissed his beloved human softly.

He too, was ready to take that leap of faith.

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\ The End //\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we are; the end. I hope this story was worth your time, and that you enjoyed it. I'd be more than happy to hear what you have to say about it, so please, indulge me :-)  
> Live long and prosper!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your time, I hoped you liked it.


End file.
